Everyone loves a good lawyer joke. As a member of the most mocked profession, I take comfort in the fact most people bash lawyers all the way to when they actually need a lawyer!
In a 2013 Gallup poll on the most trustworthy professions, nurses came in number one. Lawyers, as expected, finished towards the bottom of the list, along with used car salesmen, ad men and lobbyists. At the very least, lawyers did finish ahead of “Members of Congress!”
Leave it to old Willie, the Bard of Avon, to make one of the first lawyer jokes. As you may recall from your 10th grade English class, the line comes from Henry VI. The ironic part is that most people don’t know that infamous line is actually interpreted as a“backhanded praise” of lawyers!
Lawyers by nature are tough-skinned. We don’t let a few nasty jokes get to us. In fact, we are some of the best tellers of lawyer jokes.
Here’s my favorite:
A man in a trim three-piece suit, carrying a briefcase, walks into a bar…
Bartender: “What will you be having sir?’
Man: “ I’ll have a Dewar’s with a splash of water.”
As the bartender brings the man his drink, he can’t help notice the annoyed look on the man’s face.
Bartender: “Had a hard day, did you?”
Man: “Not particularly.”
Bartender: “ Ah, I’ve been tending bar for a long time, I know something’s bothering you.”
Man: “Yes. It’s that sign behind your counter.
There, hanging on the wall, was a sign that read: “All Lawyers Are Morons”
Man: “Can you please take down that sign?”
Bartender: “I can’t, sir. The owner won’t let me.”
Man: “Well, that sign offends me.”
Bartender: “I knew it… so you’re a lawyer”
Man: “No. I’m a moron!”
Got a favorite lawyer joke you’d like to share? Would love to hear it and I promise not to be offended.
DMJ says
August 11, 2014 at 8:49 pmQ: What’s the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?
A: One’s a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
SUZI says
August 12, 2014 at 5:44 pmWhat do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start!
Carmela Pegna says
August 12, 2014 at 11:32 amQ: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
AL says
August 12, 2014 at 4:42 pmYOU know you need a different lawyer when…..
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser 🙂
Joe P says
August 12, 2014 at 5:21 pmHow do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
A: Just say, “Fees!”
Harold Weiner says
August 15, 2014 at 1:39 pmA good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.
Buck Naked says
August 17, 2014 at 9:03 pmQ: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Frank S says
August 22, 2014 at 9:24 amA physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
Jimmy C says
August 28, 2014 at 11:03 amA woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear,” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said… ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'”
John M. DeProspo says
August 28, 2014 at 11:05 amGood one Jimmy C!
Kenny B says
September 10, 2014 at 4:52 pmQ: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton
Sandra says
October 4, 2014 at 12:02 pmQ: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Billy K says
October 7, 2014 at 11:15 amNinety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Fran Wilson says
October 31, 2014 at 4:33 pmNinety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name!