Most trial lawyers are skilled at asking probing questions of witnesses. Sometimes, however, the witness is not on the same page as the lawyer. Here are some real life questions and answers heard in American courtrooms over the years. Of course, I cannot vouch for the authenticity of these exchanges. It is up to you to believe it or not!
Lawyer: What gear were you in just before you struck the rear of my client’s car?
Witness: Gucci and Adidas.
Lawyer: What is your birthday?
Witness: January 16th.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Lawyer: And what was the location of the accident?
Witness: Approximately milepost 224.
Lawyer: And where is milepost 224?
Witness: Between milepost 223 and 225
Lawyer: And what was the first thing your husband said to you in the morning?
Witness: Where am I Susan?
Lawyer: And that upset you?
Witness: My name is Carol
Lawyer: Is your appearance here pursuant to a deposition notice?
Witness: No. This is how I dress when I go to work
Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter was ever involved in voodoo or the occult?
Witness: We do both
Witness: Yes we do
Lawyer: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo
Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident
Witness: Sure. I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people
Lawyer: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Lawyer: Were you shot in the fracas?
Witness: No, I was shot in my left thigh
Lawyer: Are you married?
Witness: No, I’m divorced
Lawyer: And what did your husband do before the divorce?
Witness: A lot of things I didn’t know about
Lawyer: Have you always known the Defendant to be a heavy drinker?
Witness: No, I knew him when he was much thinner
Lawyer: Is it your testimony that Mr. Woodward is unfaithful?
Witness: Yes, he hasn’t been seen in church for many years now
They say sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. You better believe it!
Drum roll… Here is my all-time favorite…
Lawyer: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I kind of just lie there
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